Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.Philippians 4:11-12
Since I started this commitment to lose weight in the time between Christmas and January I have struggled with the decision not to weigh myself. I’m coming to realise that that that decision was good; if I’m looking at this as a spiritual battle then I cannot be liberated from one false idol to become enslaved to another.
I’m now struggling with a similar issue. I spoke last week about wanting to avoid calorie counting, or any other form of food monitoring. I was aware that, just like the scales, I can replace the false idol of food with that of calories. I’ve been down these paths before, they are misleading. They can appear so enticing that you can be significantly down the road before you realise that you’re facing a monster of your own making.
So this week I was once again repeating last weeks “failures” to a lesser degree; I wasn’t turning to the I Deserve a Doughnut app when I was tempted and I hadn’t done any Callanetics until the Friday.
About midweek I was again facing the thought; “should I calorie count”. I prayed and asked God for help. As so often I ended up responding to a call I could not hear, but it’s outcome makes me believe this was the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t discern it in my consciousness, but by its fruit I knew it’s was of God. I started to listen to Father Schmidt’s Bible in a year podcast of an evening. Totally unrelated. Yet it was what I needed.
Each evening as I listened to the podcast I found myself praying prior to sleeping. Now, I’ve already used prayer specifically for this, but these prayers weren’t specific to these desires. Yet it answered them by drawing me closer to God.
Little by little my behaviour changed. As the week progressed I found myself doing my first Callanetics fitness session. I found myself opining the IDAD app more. I found myself becoming more aware of exactly why going down the calorie counting route was wrong.
I want liberation. I want to be contented; enjoying food as the gift it is meant to be, nothing more.
Look at the temptation of Eve;
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.Genesis 3:6
Food is good. It is a gift from God and shouldn’t be seen as the enemy (calorie counting obsession), nor should it be considered as a solution or an answer to an unspoken desire (food as god).
I want the contentment of Paul and it is obvious that the root of Paul’s contentment was because he’d grown close to God.
So, as the Saints have always done, I will pick myself up and call on God to help me as I seek to overcome my disordered relationship with food. I am still working on these same new patterns of behaviour and will keep to these goals until the truth becomes a part of me, having replaced the lie.