23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.James 1: 23-25
There has been a delay in my writing – my youngest daughter has had chicken pox and it’s rather impeded my capacity to do, well, anything really. So, where am I now. I know where I am, because I did the thing that lots of us struggling with our weight do……..I looked in a mirror.
Not a bathroom mirror, where you can see my head and shoulders. But my full length mirror. I looked, I stared. I took it all in.
I have this dual capacity to make everything far worse than it is, whilst intermittently allowing myself to believe in a version of myself that doesn’t equate to reality. I am kinder, more beautiful, more holy, more intelligent, more…everything good than I am. Then a get a true glimpse of me and I despair. Of course the true glimpse isn’t true at all. It’s a fraction of who I am, but the worst parts of me. I’m neither Saint (unfortunately) or demon.
Looking in front of the mirror I took stock. I’m glad I came to terms with returning to a points system of controlling the amount I eat, because the snug fit of one of my fat, but not too fat pants and the image that I was meditating on gave me the reality that a month and a half into this year I wasn’t progressing.
Just because I don’t want to be a slave to a scale doesn’t mean that I can avoid this truth if I want to lose the weight and the bad habits. Points have given me boundaries to limit what I’m eating and making the loss of weight more realistic.
I’ve been cautious not to obsess over every little thing that goes in my mouth, as I’ve said before I don’t want to become a slave to the diet either. So I point at the end of the day and reflect; what could I have done better? Then the next day when I go to reach for the extra biscuit I’m aware of the cost and turn to sweet grapes, or nothing at all.
Even on bad days it’s never as bad as I think, but I know having an awareness of the points used helps move me towards my goal by limiting my free for all in my intermittent fasting eating window.
“I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.1 Corinthians 10:23
I’ve also been using those “I’ll start tomorrow” questions in the I Deserve a Doughnut app to keep in the front of my mind that time is passing, and if I’m not working to succeed at my goal now I will be disappointed in the next season, and the season after that. In fact this awareness has so often made me limit my intake and not give up and go crazy when “it’s all ruined anyway”, and then counting up my points at the end of the day has given me an honest picture of how destructive my slips have been. Like I said, they’re never as destructive as I thought.
When Jesus talks of the straight and narrow path it is a path, not a tight rope. As long as I keep on it I will make my destination.
God bless you on your journey!